I finally plucked up the courage to visit JJ’s feminization service, Dress Me Up this week after almost a year of looking at her website. I had decided that for too many years I had lived with shame and guilt mixed with strong urges to cross-dress that I no longer wanted to resist. I can tell you that it was an experience that I will not forget and that I am already thinking about repeating the feminization service again. JJ welcomed me into her apartment with a pretty smile and offered me a seat and a welcome cup of tea in her comfortable lounge. Then she asked me the question that I had wanted to be asked for years. “How have you come to travel the path that has brought you here?” I took it that she wasn’t asking about the walk up to her door outside her apartment and tentatively started to tell her about my childhood and the seeds that were planted then that have affected my life. I will tell you what I told JJ.
When I was about three years old my older sister dressed me as her little sister, putting me in little dresses and pinafores and tying ribbons in my hair. She then used to take me to show my Mother. My Mother was a bossy and strong woman and she was a no nonsense straight talker. Her usual briskness deserted her when she saw me though and she spoke words to me that probably altered my life forever. As she looked at me I still remember her excited laughter as she called me “adorable” and told me how “sweet and pretty” I looked. JJ immediately picked up on the story and interjected quite accurately that my Mother favoured girls and wanted me to be a girl. One of JJ’s strongest attribute is her ability to read situations perfectly with uncanny accuracy and make interesting observations. She is not simply a woman who understands crossdressers, she has an understanding of childhood development that most certainly helps with her feminization service.
Please note that these are 3 photographs of Hannah, the centre photograph I took on Hannah's recent visit to Dress Me Up for the feminization service.
The two outer photographs were taken of Hannah many years ago when she was dressed up by her sister.
I continued and told JJ how I had felt as a young boy being crossdressed and flattered by my Mother. JJ had an alarming ability to put me at my ease and I found myself speaking to her as I have never spoken to anyone before. Not one person has ever heard my story before but JJ elicited the details of my life from me as though I had been given a truth potion! I told her of the other things my Mother said; the time, for example, when my Mother pronounced to my aunt when my sister and cousin dressed me up “Oh don’t worry about him, he was supposed to have been born a girl.” The constant drip drip of my Mother’s comments and the regular encouragement of my sister took me to where I am now. As JJ said, “You were a little boy you couldn’t help it. Your sister treated you as her dolly and if your Mother gave the impression that she wanted you to be a girl then what was likely to happen?” ‘Gave the impression she wanted me to be a girl’ is an understatement.
Whenever we went to Marks & Spencer’s food hall we inevitably ended up going back to the car through the children’s clothing part of the store. She would look lovingly at the little girl’s dresses and occasionally, to my embarrassment make me stand still while she held one up to me to see what I would have looked like as a girl.
Slowly I went on telling JJ of how I felt by the time I was eight. My sister’s passion for playing with me had burned out as she got older but my passion for wearing her clothes had only just started. I went from the forced to cross dress stage (admittedly with enjoyment on my part) to a period where I yearned to be dressed up. This manifested itself in my reading my sister’s girl’s comics and reading the stories of ballerinas and schoolgirls. When I had free reading time in class at school I used to make a beeline for the Ladybird Book of “Women’s Fashions through the Ages” and ogle the picture of a Victorian family at the opera. There was father, poor man, wearing the traditional black frock coat and white tie, his wife in a beautiful long evening gown and their two pretty daughters wearing baby blue opera dresses with white opera gloves and blue ribbons in their hair. How I wanted to be the little girl with my older sister standing next to me.
When I was a thirteen year old boy I still had urges that I did not understand nor fully admit to myself. My Mother infuriated me with her bossiness and her inability to allow me to make any decision without changing it or allow me to ever disagree with her. Perhaps that frustration was even more fuel to the desire to crossdress. Somehow I think the transvestite becomes what he most fears – the challenge to my earlier childhood masculinity by being encouraged to crossdress and the frustration of my Mother’s dominance of me, mixed with the wonderful reaction when I was presented to her as her ‘little girl’ somehow became the perfect breeding ground for transvestism. When I was thirteen I was obsessed with girls and yet frightened of them too.
My Mother still subtly discouraged my male personality and reinforced the female. I was not allowed to join the football team – so much dirt and so rough and ill disciplined said Mother. So we went to the local tennis club and I soon found myself enrolled in a tennis group. My Mother’s attitude again promoted my femininity. Knowingly or not she often compared me to girls at the club and she didn’t need to say a thing as she admired the prettiest girls to me. Soon I would sit and watch the girls in the break between games and fantasise about wearing their tennis skirts and imagine my own hair in a pony tail.
Girls, to me were wonderful happy confident creatures who were nice to each other, looked pretty and even when playing the hardest tennis match didn’t seem to sweat and if they did they smelt slightly of perfume. How wonderful! They got to wear the prettiest of clothes and nobody minded if they cried. How much did my Mother intend to feminise me is still a mystery. I think in a deep psychological way she wanted me to be a girl and enjoyed encouraging me, but whether she ever thought she would make me a transvestite is doubtful.
JJ listened attentively and occasionally prompted me for more detail. I told her of my desires at age thirteen and how I began to read through my Mother’s magazines and admired the models. Then I told her of how, when the house was empty I would sneak around. It was mainly the excitement of poking around in a secret way that thrilled me but when I went into my sister’s room (she was 18 and had started at University) I found her dresses. It wasn’t too long before I was trying them on.
A favourite was my Mother’s long white petticoat and my sister’s long Laura Ashley evening dress. Stockings and suspenders with white knickers followed and I was soon enjoying my crossdressing very much indeed. Then the next stage followed as I discovered, after a few conversations at school, that strange things happened if you touched yourself in certain places. Puberty comes to all boys and they quickly find an outlet for their cravings. After a few false starts and attempts to masturbate I soon discovered that the trick was to imagine myself dressed as a little girl again. That worked! Surprisingly it took me a while to put the two together but when I finally saw myself in the mirror en femme and touched myself sparks flew.
Guilt can be the companion of transvestism though and I would often feel terrible after the event only to repeat it a few days later. I couldn’t then understand why I was so odd. How could I like girls so much at the same time as being intimidated by them and in the same thought be desperately keen to be one or at least dress as one. It wasn’t until aged 19 years that I understood I was not alone. I was on holiday in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with friends, when we saw a pornography shop and went in. The excitement amongst us was tangible as we walked through the aisles looking at books. All of a sudden my eyes fixed on a small book with the words ‘Aunties Pet’ written on the cover. The picture showed a boy of about fifteen wearing a long tight black evening gown with black opera gloves. He had full make up on and was staring, shocked into a hand mirror as his Aunt brushed his long blond hair into a pony tail. The expression on her face was pure smug amusement. The blurb on the back said, “I was to be her school girl, French maid, and sophisticated lady, bride in a white wedding gown and finally her blushing bride on her wedding night in beautiful lingerie.” What a turn on.
Well that’s my path that brought me to JJ’s feminization service, along the way I stopped off at a well known transvestite shop in the 1990’s, an awful and lonely experience where the staff took my money and made me feel a fool. Apart from that JJ is my only experience of an organised feminization service and thankfully I found her. As she opened the door her perfume assailed my senses and immediately I could see her pretty face had been beautifully made up. She welcomed me in and over a cup of tea, sitting with her, she drew out the tale that I have just told you.
JJ is sensitive, fun and extremely feminine and she understands transvestites perfectly. She asked me to look through some women’s fashion magazines with her and point out the pictures I liked and tell me why I liked them. I showed her several women in long flowing dresses who looked beautifully glamorous and one of Alice in Wonderland and she asked me to change out of my male mundane clothes and to hang them up in the bathroom. I undressed and then wearing a robe I went into her dressing room. There followed a beautiful relaxing facial massage and a lovely relaxing hypnosis session from JJ that put me into a gentle trance.
Then the make-up which took ages as she worked the eye shadow to give me “smoky eyes” and then lovely red lips. I didn’t want to see myself until she had finished so she dressed me in black panties and bustier and sexy black stockings and suspenders. Over the top she placed a long black chiffon open robe that hung beautifully around me. JJ was as excited as me when she asked me to turn and walk to the mirror and showed me to myself. I was stunned at how beautiful and feminine I looked. The shoulder length black wig, fascinator in my hair and my make up made me feel wonderful. The shoes were not easy to walk in and I felt I was balancing on my toes but they were lovely nonetheless and JJ has many different sizes and designs of shoes at her feminization service.
The second dress I tried on was a wonderful electric blue evening gown with a warm stole around my shoulders. The dress was swishy, feminine and ‘full’ with several petticoats. I felt great in it especially when JJ added long matching opera gloves and some diamonds and pearls for my wrists. You can see how I felt by the expression in my photos. Finally JJ kindly allowed me one quick change before I left and I wore the French Maids outfit that I had wanted to wear. Oh lovely feminine frilly knickers, a bustling petticoat and the black dress with a wonderful silky pinafore over the top. She even made me feel precious as I sat in front of the mirror and she tied a white ribbon in my hair.
Why not take time out, go to JJs and enjoy yourself. The fantasies that have excited you for many years could be reality with this wonderful feminization service. Be the school girl, the French Maid or wear the long evening gown you always wanted or perhaps be the beautiful bride in a white dress – JJ has several wedding dresses.